one year.

It’s hard to believe that we lost Noah one year ago today. We weren’t prepared to lose you. In all the years we knew how sensitive your heart was, we still weren’t prepared. Now as I’m sitting her trying to reflect on the 365 days I’ve had to wake up without you, the pain is searing. Nothing truly eases the pain and I know nothing ever will.

But through all this pain, I can’t help but to see through it—the kind of person she was. The amount of light that always shined around her. We all know this. I’ve always believed she was brought to this world for a reason, so I must believe there is a reason she left this world. I am certain she was placed here to change people’s lives, just as I’m certain of my own name. But more importantly, she has seemed to have dusted this magic all over us and have blessed us even more so with every lesson she taught every single one of us. Just ask anyone who knew her what impression she left of them and I’m certain once again that it’s something they’ve never encountered before. It was her magic. And now she leaves a long trail of hope leaving clues for us along the way. I look for them every day and when I find them it gives me courage to take another step.

I think about her resilience and how even on the hardest days of her journey, when bravery felt so overrated, I could still tell she remained a force to be reckoned with. Noah’s bravery has always stood out to be the motivating factor for the many people whose lives she’s touched. It continues to be my push to wake up every morning and breathe. 

I continue to look at her selflessness and how she taught us to always try and put our best self forward. To live honestly with gratitude and empathy. How many of us truly live this way? How many of us think of others before themselves? That compassion IS the greatest gift. This is how she lived. These thoughts stemming from someone so young and too young to leave this world. I am certain she has moved onto a better place where her spirit and energy will live on for an eternity—a place I long to be one day and see her again.

I hope to one day leave a fraction of a legacy she left and continues to leave. I hope we all keep thinking upon her when the going gets tough, when every card is stacked against us because she’ll be there pushing us and guiding us along the way, using her magic. So this year, may it be a year of growth—all be it with baby steps—in finding our way to navigate this world with the tools she’s left us. We’ll be sure to share our stories, keeping Noah’s magic alive.

Noah taught us a lot about life and she did so often through her actions. Our lives were rendered through her eyes. Teaching us daily what truly matters. Being someone who loved living for the moment, time wasn’t something that concerned her. What’s funny is she always had a difficult time reading analog clocks or just getting the feel of time in general. We never understood how a straight-A student like her, one that can spend an hour talking with you about the structure of cells and how each part works or how natural selection impacted various species—just couldn’t grasp time.  We realize now time was NOT of the essence in her view. When you were together with her, she was yours—time was obsolete. She just wanted to enjoy every hour, every minute, every moment you were together. 

Noah's focus was keen. Whether it be on the board game or chess match she was playing, or thinking about her future dreams of becoming an animal rescuer and wildlife conservationist. Although she had many passions like CHD advocacy and helping the homeless, her mind was fixated on helping animals. She wanted to be the kind of person that took care of wild animals, albeit a small hurt bird here in our neighborhood to the beached seals off our coastline, or saving a the rhinos and elephants in Africa. She felt these animals need our help to protect them as they are unable to protect themselves. She personally contributed out of her own allowance to the WWF and The Marine Mammal Center to give support. She encouraged us to read and sign petitions that would aid in government help for environmental and wildlife protection. She endlessly watched wildlife documentaries to learn as much as she could to gain a better understanding of people's conservation efforts and how she could one day play an important role in it. Noah's future glowed with excitement. We look forward to somehow helping her live out her dream of saving animals and their habitat.

Her carefree attitude with time and wanting to be an animal rescuer are just two things about Noah that reflect her tenets in life. And it’s quite simple.  Be a good person, help others, live positively.  That’s how we will continue living our lives and what we will teach her baby brother.

We are thankful for everyone who came out to celebrate her life with us. It was overwhelming to see so many family, friends, old and new—to see how Noah impacted so many in her lifetime, brings some solace to us. Special thank you to everyone who helped us with the memorial. We are grateful for you helping us get through that difficult day.

The video here is our tribute played at Noah's memorial. It was difficult to see with the setting sun. Please turn up the sound to hear her sing and listen to the music as they were her favorites. And yes, “Holding Out For A Hero” by ‪Bonnie Tyler is her favorite song and she rocked it when she sang it.

We love you Noah. We miss you so much; miss your touch, your smile, your voice, your hugs and kisses, your funny and gentle spirit.  We love you to the moon and back, since God said, “Let there be light!”

❤️